Did you know I have a Saints Row tattoo?
I do – and I have a rule about any of my video game tattoos, and that is I’m allowed to buy games before they go on discount if I have something grafted on my body from them. So when a new Final Fantasy comes out, a new Portal game, Tron, Bubble Bobble, etc… I’m allowed because I’ve got them inked into my leg.
Do you know what game I don’t own? The new Saints Row game, and that’s because the reviews have been beyond ‘less than stellar’ and moved into ‘godawful bad’. It sucks, because Saints Row is, as proven by the winged fleur de lis on my leg, one of my favorite franchises of all time, but sadly, when it comes to games that were cutting teeth on edgy sarcasm and hysterical inappropriateness.. you can never go to Steelport again.
So what’s left in 2022 if I don’t have Saints Row to look forward to anymore? Aside from the impending heat death of the universe, here are some of the games slated for 2022 releases I have interest in… it’s a crapshoot if they come out in the next three months though.
HARVESTELLA – Oh, hello there Final Fanta-Stardew Valley. I expect you to suck hours away from me with your gorgeous seasonal landscapes and, guaranteed, untold secrets that can only be found on weird days of the year when the moon is in the proper phase because Squeenix likes its fans rabid.
GOTHAM KNIGHTS – I think people treat Arkham Knight too harshly. The driving and missle parts of the game were UTTERLY out of place, but they were kinda fun. So now, I get to play as Nightwing, Robin, Batgirl, Batwoman, Batmutt, ManBat, BatBat, and Azrael? Hells yes, albeit there is no reason to buy this game day one. It will be a buggy mess and 6 months GOTY edition will be a much better game.
GOD OF WAR: RAGNAROK – The God of War games were never important to me — but be damned if the 2018 relaunch didn’t help me get through the opening fears of the pandemic. My fingers hurt from killing angels and birds and boating from one part of the world to the other, which was exactly the distraction I needed. I hope this game can live up to the hype.
MARVEL’S MIDNIGHT SUNS – I kinda don’t expect this game to come out on time… and if it does, I am super concerned about it being good. Marvel’s been doing better than its previous world of ‘MATCH 3, BUT WITH SILVER SURFER’ gimmicks… and the line-up in this game feels shockingly wide. Turn-base Tactical Comic Game where I can play as Nico from Runaways… plug it into my veins.
So what games are left in the year that you want to see! Let us know!
Yeah, so Marvel has had hit after hit. The Avengers, Daredevil, Mandolorian, Sandman, Teen Titans… all of the big hitters! Well, there was once a time where Marvel wanted to throw up the middle finger to some mutants and turn to the Moon for inspiration.
If this means absolutely nothing to you, then you clearly missed The Inhumans, a one season attempt to make an obscure part of the Marvel Universe more important.
Did it work? Was it the next Agents of Shield or was it an Iron Fist to the gut?
Find out now on THE END: INHUMANS
And if you would like a sample of what our new Patreon episodes are going to be like, you can get the Patreon version of this episode for free, right here!
Otherwise, ok here we Terragen Mist!
Not every decision is a good one… just think of any strange flavor, because Japan has probably turned it into a Kit-Kat.
Well, the same goes for movies. Sometimes there is a choice in a film that just brings down the whole affair. The wrong actor at the wrong time or the right actor in the wrong film – sometimes you just don’t want Wasabi in your Chocolate Wafers.
So join the Somethings as they spin The Wheel and discuss their choices for the Bottom 5: Casting Decisions!
Ok, here they .. oh, one more thing! The Something Patreon is coming back, and the link will be up at the top of the page by next episode!
There is a lot of buzz going on about the Little Mermaid remake – which is something we will be talking about a bit more in depth in a future episode, so I’m not going to here. To be clear, anyone who gets upset about the skin color of a live action cartoon movie about fictional mythological Danish creatures, or can’t seem to wrap their head around the fact that Lord of the Rings doesn’t actually take place in Medieval Europe and elves aren’t real… your opinion is pretty much voided on principle.
Not my point tonight.
What I DO wish to discuss is WHY you should care about The Little Mermaid live action (and other ‘why are they doing this’ movies) and the number one reason you aren’t hearing more about this point:
1. Disney doesn’t want to talk about it.
This year, there is a Winnie the Pooh movie coming out that has nothing to do with a rumbly tumbly hunny lovin bear, and has everything to do about a cannibalistic monster and his piggie friend on, what I assume, will be a horrifying murder spree. The original A.A. Milne stories have reached public domain level, so you can go do a Winnie story, but you must be assuredly certain that the version you are utilizing is THAT version and not anything close to the Jim Cummings voiced silly ol’ bear. Next year, Steamboat Willie finally gets to public domain after Disney has destroyed our copyright law to save him.
That’s why there is a new Little Mermaid, a CGI Lion King, a Maleficent and Cruella film. Disney is thrilled if they do well, but if they don’t.. eh, that’s ok, they’ve served a far greater legal purpose of continuing to push a variation of a character they can hold on to.
The best thing you can do next year when the lifeless, like a doll’s eyes, black and white mouse finds his way into all of our legal hands – much like when Winnie The Pooh: Blood & Honey comes out, is support the endeavors of these people who are throwing our public ownership into the face of the beast that has continued to push laws that allow them to own things forever. And this is Disney we’re talking about.. the company that owns everything, anyway.
All I’m asking is for you to go see THOSE pieces of entertainment, if anything, because it really will tick the mouse off.
We’re nearing SomethingSpookums season, so wasn’t Hatton surprised when Rob suggested one of the Summer’s sleeper horror hits Black Phone.
A young man is kidnapped by the local kidnapper, natch, and through a series of mysterious moments… maybe he finds his way home?
Was it good? Was it great? Was it overhyped or just right? It’s time for Something in Review: Black Phone
Who ya gonna call! …wrong movie, sorry…
♫ We’re goin back…. back… back to schooOol ♫
Now, we’re aware tha tmost of the people that listen to his show have had no more pencils, no more books, no more of those dirty looks for at least a decade… but that does not mean that there isn’t a whole series of films that take place int he hallowed halls of alma maters across this great land of ours.
So which ones are the Somethings favorites? Which ones go straight to detention? How many can do the triple lindy?
Find out if you agree, or rather are.. just one of the guys…
Ok, here we go to 3rd period Chem!
I originally had an idea that I was going to discuss some of the public domain stuff that is going on right now (like the Pooh Bear horror movie) – but I’m going to save that for a bit. Instead, I would like to babble about the horrible nature of modern social media.
WHAT A FUN JOURNEY THAT WILL BE, HATTON!?
Yeah, I know – sorry.
So here’s a list of internet and social media trends that drive me cuckoo bananas:
CHANGING THE YEAR ON OLD CONTENT
Go into your google machine and type in, ‘Best Puzzle Games of 2022’ and you will get pages and pages of lists. I guarantee you that 90% of those lists will say they were written in the last two months and most of them won’t have any modern content in them.. some won’t have games from before 2020. That’s because internet content on surprisingly popular websites simply repost their own blogs every few months with updated dates. A few will change the headline to be less shameless, ‘Puzzle Games You Should Play In 2022’ or ‘Some of the Best Puzzle Games (2022)’ but the fact is they are garbage lists by garbage people and won’t help you with your search.
I brought this point up on Facebook and got a range of responses, so let me clarify… if you have knowledge on a topic and are reacting to it like ‘Opera Singer Comments on Heavy Metal Music’ or ‘CGI Experts Watch The Scorpion King’, that’s fine. You are adding something to the conversation. If you scroll through TikTok and see a post of a guy watching someone make ice cream….. and then… he goes ‘Wow’ or makes approving gestures, or the worst of it, is over-excited about someone at Coldstone folding fudge.. why? Why is watching people watch things interesting now? Why do I care about your facial expressions? (Spoiler: I don’t.)
PADDED “TROLL” VIDEOS
This is a bit of a niche, but there is a surprising amount of Facebook videos that have an interesting sounding premise ‘This woman opened a box and you won’t believe it…’ By and large, that title is clickbait incarnate, but hey, I can spend a minute while she opens a box… until she realizes there is twine that she needs to get scissors… that don’t work… so she pulls at the string… finally it snaps… under the first wrapping is more wrapping… with more string. At this point in time, you look and see that this video is 20 minutes long. You click to the end, see the ending sucked, and leave. Why does it exist? Is it just a troll? Nope. That “creator” (a loose term at best) just got ad revenue for you being sucked into that garbage.
– STAY TIL THE END
This is a newer trend. First, let’s address that it is mighty sad that your content is so bad on Tiktok that you need to tell people to ‘stay to the end’ because you are afraid you can’t hold their attention for 80 seconds. The second part of that is that you are probably right, your 80 seconds of content is garbage. It is rare a video that feels the need to tell you to stay gives you any actual reason why you should stay. This follows along with the reaction videos listed above, and sometimes are in the same video.
Imagine if you were watching the Godfather 2, and sometime in the middle of DeNiro squishing olives, a big banner flashed on the screen ‘STAY TIL THE END’…
I’ve been on the internet longer than most… which makes me feel old because it is a statistical truth. With the advent of short-attention-span videos/stories/reels/vines/tiktoks, I have finally reached the spot where I don’t get it. #OldManYellsAtCloud
On the first week of the month we do a themed episode. The second and third are Something in Review and The Wheel. The 4th week is The End — but what happens when there is a fifth week tot he month? What are the Somethings supposed to do?
Well, if you have been listening to our show for any length of time, you should know it is time for a Something Free-For-All which is where we take a week off from planning something and just hang-out for a little while.
What are we watching? What are we playing? How’s our day been?
It’s all there – and more – on the Something Free-For-All!
Okay, here we go!
Time to hitch the wagons, hit the dusty trail for the next town, the next ballyhoo, the next mark on the route.
That’s right, it’s time to lay on hands with the rest of the geeks as we settle down to discuss Carnivale. The HBO darling that ended too soon, but why? Was it rolling downhill towards a depression or was it a show that was just too far ahead of its time for people to be able to dig their teeth in… well, there is only one way to find out, and that is to keep your hands outta our poke, save it for the cake eaters, hang with the gazoonies on The End: Carnivale!
Ohhkay here we step right up step right up it’s time for the amazing half man half man… The Man Man!
Now, it’s understood I get down with a little Final Fantasy and Dragon Warrior, that I have a Chrono Cross tattoo and will go on a lengthy rant about how FF7 is overrated (important in the history of games, definitely – intelligible? Nassomuch…) But that’s not what I wanted to talk about today. You see, given that Rob and I are well-rounded nerds, we also have enjoyed ourselves some tabletop roleplaying in years gone by. Sadly, as the years progress, the years gone by keep getting by’er. That RPG itch has only grown as I see things like Critical Role get popular, validating that it IS possible to gather a handful of people together online or in meatspace. If they can do it.. why can’t I!?
Here are a few rpg’s that I really want to dig into and just haven’t gotten a chance to because we all live in hermetically sealed bubbles.
MUTANTS & MASTERMINDS
First off, I love superheroes. The idea of playing in a game where we are all super-human somethings in a world that hates and fears us or are the First Family or even a Government Sanctioned Team of criminals.. I don’t care, I’m in. Hand me d20s and let me look at the power generation table. Hell, I’ll role randomly and be THRILLED that I now have Plasma Flower Powers. If someone like Speedball can get his own book, I can make it work.
There are two World of Darknesses. The Old World, which is what most of us know and love with its political vampires and eco-warrior werewolves. The New World of Darkness never really stuck to me well, but one of the books that came out did… big time. Prometheus is the story of Frankenstein, or to put it more broadly – golems. Whether they are elemental beasts (like the traditional ‘made of earth’) or hewn together from parts by mad doctors, the idea is so neat that I hope one day to be rolling a handful of d10s on performance to sing ‘Puttin on the Ritz’
KIDS ON BIKES
One of the coolest trends in RPGs of the last decade is the ‘storytelling’ game, where it is less about a narrative a DM has put together and more about a world that the party duct tapes together with their characters. Fate, Monster of the Week, and Kids on Bikes are all examples of games that lean into this premise. Kids on Bikes is specifically about that nostalgic ET, SUPER 8, STRANGER THINGS vibe that immediately makes me want to build characters in a Speilbergian idealistic mid-80’s sleepy town.
If you haven’t heard of any RPG on this list… it’s this one. A few years ago Monte Cook games put out a Kickstarter for this black cube of a game. It comes with a tarot deck and a hand, and a thousand books, and pamphlets, and it is legit insane the amount of material in this thing. The fact is, not many people own it, and those of us that do, it is SO dense on material, it would be really hard to play it without at least two people knowing what the hell is going on. Seriously, look at this thing and tell me you are not equal parts intrigued and horrified at the learning curve.
Oh, and Monte Cook isn’t helping by selling the PDF version for $99….
What games are YOU looking for group?